So I just woke up after a late night poetry class yesterday.
I have been participating in a program called talentlab at Bijlmerpark theatre in Amsterdam. It has been a tough rollercoaster year with ups and downs but we are almost at the finishline. Yes there were some giants I had to face. It wasn't easy cause those giants had me questioning myself and my talents over and over again. I am a perfectionist and what I do, I want to do it better, I want to be the best, I want to be the best of the best in what I do. Is that a bad habbit? Maybe, sometimes.
Sometimes cause it reacts on my enemy frustration and it can take away all the fun out of learning. But on the other hand shouldn't we reach out to be the best in what we do? They always say, don't settle for where you are but always reach out for higher. And that is what I do. I may be the only one experiencing this but I feel that as an artist as a performer I cannot survive being just good or an average. It's like the law of the jungle, only the strongest survive. After being part of this world now for 34 years I can say it's not only the law of the jungle, but also the law of the world. You have to have backbones to make it in this world. I do believe we all have those backbones or else we wouldn't be here today. The fact that we woke up this morning says we have backbones. In my proces of 34 years I can also say that talent alone won't bring you succes or bring you to your destination. The most important question is are you prepaired and determenid? You can be as good as you want to but if you are not determined you won't get any far.
Yes, I have my seasons when I have all the creativity in the world, when I feel that I'm the best and that I can tackle every giant. Yes even Goliath. But I'll be honest I can also have some dark and cloudy seasons. When I have no inspiration, I can't write, I can't think of anything creative, I can't move and all I just want to do is fly, fly away from everything. For me as a artist not having any inspiration, having a writersblock or not being able to create is one of the most painful parts. It makes you doubt yourself as a artist, it steals away the air that you need to breath to make you feel alive. The only thing that I can do in these moments is pray, pray and pray. Here is where I realise that my own creativity and strength is limited and I just let God be God.
Then inside of me this small seed with the size of a mustard seed keeps on pushing and pushing this faith through me. It picks me up and pushes me forth to keep on going. It shows me that there is still so much that hasn't been said, still so much that hasn't been written and still so much that hasn 't been done. These are the moments when I realise that every voice, every sound, every idea matters. And that there are so many voices and talents out there that don't speak, that don't say a thing. They are just there minding their own bussines or adding nothing uplifting to the platform.
As a believer I do believe we all have been given talents according to our own ability. And that we have to use, no matter the size of what has been given to us. We are called to shine our lights in this dark world. That's why I'm also determined to use and take out all that God has placed in me. Just as Les Brown qoutes: Die empty, don't die and take all your dreams and talents with you. I believe, I know that I have been created by a Great God and that there is greatness inside of me. Knowing that I'm in a process, on a journey gives me peace. Too many times I required of myself to know it all, to do it all and to have it all. But life is teaching me that, that is not the way it works.
It's about:
" " Family
" " Friends
" " Learning
" " Getting up
" " Daring to make mistakes
" " Daring to be different
" " Learning to appreciate
" " Dreaming
" " Giving
" " Changing
" " Surrendering
" " Smiling
" " Loving
" " God
" " Your Journey
It 's about Life!
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